I’m going to be honest, thirty is really bothering me. At twenty I made a list of things I’d like to accomplish by thirty and only a few cross offs happened. Thinking about my list bothered me. A lot of times in life we have a preconceived idea of how you’re supposed to go about life. After high school you must attend college, graduate, find a stable job, travel, marry, buy a house, kids, etc. Not everyone is cut for the same thing. Everyone accomplishes different things at different paces. One of the things I’ve struggled with for a good portion of my twenties is how I thought life was supposed to be.
Birthdays, especially “big” (cough cough thirty cough cough) birthdays have a way of making you reflect on your life, goals, etc. I’m sure my twenty-year-old self would be disappointed in my *almost* thirty-year-old self. As sad as it is to say good-bye to my twenties, youth, etc. I’m looking forward to closing the book of the twenties that were filled with so many struggles. One of the things that eases those struggles is looking through old photos. I’ve met some amazing people, I’ve done some crazy things, I’ve dated the wrong guys, I’ve made great choices, I’ve made stupid choices and none of this would’ve happened if I didn’t book a one way ticket to California right after my twentieth birthday.
I used to watch a lot of Sex and the City in my late teens/early twenties and I found myself annoyed sometimes at the way they looked at “twenty somethings”. Why did I think that way? Because I thought I had life figured out. I had this preconceived notion of what life was going to be like and I learned the hard way that it doesn’t always happen the way we think it will. Funny how a natural rebel at heart who hates being told what to do struggles with such a thing. Two days away from thirty and I get what those Sex and the City ladies had to say and a part of me agrees.
My twenties were filled with mistakes sometimes messier than others. Some times I wonder why some of the things that have happened to me actually happened. I’m sure one day it will all make sense. I hope it does because some days some stuff hurts like a bitch (pardon my french) most days.
Reflecting on it all I’ve come to realize that while in fact my twenties at times have been full of messy mistakes, some amazing things have come out of them. I grew a human. I successfully grew a human who is by far one of my favorite accomplishments. He’s growing into this little person who is going to make his mark on the world. As difficult as it is that we aren’t together 24/7, it’d be even more difficult if he never existed. From the time he was a little peanut growing inside me, I’d tell him how important is to love, have compassion, etc. That’s what my son does, he radiates love. It’s pretty hard not to fall in love with him and I’m not just saying that because I’m his mother, it’s the truth. He’s pretty amazing even if he is struggling with being two. It’s okay, Charlie, mommy is struggling with thirty. My life would be empty if I didn’t have Charlie. Even on the days where I miss him so much that my body aches and I want to stay in bed, I don’t. I get up everyday for him because I’m not going to be that mother that cripples when it gets had. Charlie doesn’t need that and he doesn’t deserve that. My life would also be pretty empty without Bubba. Upon first meeting he seemed like everything I didn’t want in a boyfriend but little did I know that he’d be everything I ever needed in a guy and in a friend. Bubba and I started off as friends and it grew it into what it is now. He isn’t just my boyfriend. He’s my partner in crime, my go to person about so many things and my best friend. He just gets it. We aren’t perfect people and we don’t pretend to be. We have the good along with the bad but we choose each other every single day and that’s pretty awesome. He gets it. He gets me and he gets life more so than any other guy I have ever dated.
I guess if I could give advice to “twenty somethings” it would be don’t be afraid to make mistakes, especially messy ones because that’s the only way you’ll learn if something is right or wrong for you. Be kind to yourself in the process but learn to thicken up that skin of yours because you’ll need it to deal with life. Life isn’t always kind, some days it feels like more people are hoping you fail than succeed but keep going to prove them wrong. And don’t forget that at any given moment you’re able to change the direction of your life.
“Enjoy yourself. That’s what your 20s are for. Your 30s are to learn the lessons. Your 40s are to pay for the drinks.” – Carrie Bradshaw